Pets, Puppets and Pawpets

-- by Horatio Algeranon

The web is replete,
With rabbits and Rabetts,
All manner of creatures,
With all sorts of habits.

Most inhabit the place,
With an air of authenticity,
Though some are pseudonymous,
They engage not in complicity.

But a few are ill-mannered,
And quite unlike the Muppets,
Engage in pretense,
We call them "Sock Puppets."

*Eli Rabett, the inhabitant of Rabett Run, is one of the web's more colorful (some might say "off color") pseudonymous characters, though not a "sock puppet". There is a big difference, explained by the sources below.

Definition of Sock Puppet (as provided by PC Magazine)

"A phony name made up by a user in order to masquerade as someone else on the Internet. Sock puppets can make controversial comments or vote for or against a cause without revealing their identity. They may respond to their own Usenet or blog posts praising the articles they wrote themselves or disagree with comments criticizing them on other sites."

According to Wikipedia, "The key difference between a sockpuppet and a regular pseudonym (sometimes termed an "alt") is the pretense that the puppet is a third party who is not affiliated with the puppeteer."

Global Warming Stopped in 1998

--by Horatio Algeranon

Global Warming stopped,
In 1998.

It's pointless to even argue,
There's really no debate.

The temperature back then,
Was higher than today.

We're headed for an ice age,
What more is there to say?

This claim seems to be the favorite of those who deny the reality or seriousness of human-caused climate change. The latest invocation -- that "there has been no net global warming since 1998"-- comes from some folks who should certainly know better, among them some professional statisticians.

From a statistical standpoint, there are several very serious problems with the claim that render it essentially meaningless. Tamino explains these in detail on "Open Mind".

Basically, it is difficult if not impossible to conclude anything at all about a temperature trend simply by taking the net difference between the temperature at the ends of the time interval --1998 and today-- particularly when there have been so few intervening years.

But one need not know anything at all about statistics to see the basic problem: 1998 was unusually warm because of a particularly strong El Nino that year and the temperature naturally dropped down some after El Nino passed.

The Great Global Warming Debate

-- By Horatio Algeranon

Greenland's getting greener,
As glaciers disappear,
The Arctic ice is breaking up,
Quite quickly, scientists fear.

But surface stations are heating up,
From flaming barbecues,
We cannot trust thermometers,
I heard it on FOX News.

The troposphere is warming up,
The stratosphere is cooling,
The tropopause is getting higher,
From car and truck refueling.

Nay, cosmic rays are all at fault!
If not, it is the sun.
Besides, the Hockey Stick is broke,
Let's have some petrol-fun.

Millions of species will go extinct,
If we don't do something fast,
Biologists are warning,
"Take a lesson from the past."

But that's why folks created zoos,
To house the homeless sloths,
Polar bears and yaks and gnus,
And other behemoths.

If Greenland melts, the seas will rise,
"It's not if, but when", scientists say,
Better to cut emissions now,
Or down the road, we'll pay.

But la-dee-da and hum-dee-dum,
No reason for alarm,
To wait a couple decades more,
Will really do no harm.

Omnipressience

--by Horatio Algeranon

There once was a man from Boulder,
Whose press coverage had grown colder,
So he called a reporter,
"Turn on your recorder,"
"I'm a Climate Oracle", he told her.

Don't worry, be happy.

--by Horatio Algeranon

It used to be that they denied,
The earth was really warming,
But now that they admit it,
They don't find that alarming.

"The polar bears will soon adapt,
To eating caribou,
Chasing moose and hunting goose,
And monkeys at the zoo."

"The Eskimos will change their ways,
And join the country clubs,
Spend their days chasing silly balls,
Their nights at yuppy pubs."

"And all those folks of Bangladesh,
Can build themselves a dike,
Encircling their country,
Tuvaluans can take a hike."

"George Bush will join Trent Lott,
At his Mansion by the shore,
To watch the hurricanes roll in,
Just like they did before."

"No reason to get excited,
Might as well just wait and see,
If disaster's on the horizon,
For all humanity."



The island nation of Tuvalu will be one of the most severely impacted areas if sea level rises on the order of a few feet due to climate change over the next century, as some scientists believe it may. Indeed, Tuvalu could be lost beneath the waves.

The House that Jackasses Built

--by Horatio Algeranon


Climate Science is a house of cards*,
Built by "up-to-no-good" bards,

An elaborate structure with many tiers,
Without foundation and without peers.

Remove one card and the house will fall,
Like Humpty Dumpty, off the wall.

*Or, so it has been claimed on Climate Audit, at any rate. But if you really believe that, I have some absolutely stunning ocean-front property for you in Arizona, with a view of the Manhattan skyline to boot!

Climate Science Hoaxus Poaxus

--by Horatio Algeranon


Global warming is a mammoth hoax,
Perpetrated by jamokes,

Who sit around and dream up schemes,
Of getting rich on hockey teams.

By adjusting data to fit conceptions,
Their ideo-political predilections,

They force the rest of us to pay,
For worthless grants, so they can play,

Their climate games at our expense,
A fraud with zero recompense.

The above was inspired by a discussion on Tamino's Open Mind ("I gave them the truth and they thought it was hell"),  in which it was pointed out that several unsubstantiated charges of fraud had been leveled against climate scientists in the comments at Climate Audit (a blog whose claimed purpose is to "audit" climate science).

The famed "hockey stick" temperature reconstruction has figured prominently in such unsubstantiated charges on more than one occasion. A United States Senator is included among those calling global warming a "hoax" and at least one kooky commenter on Climate Audit has essentially alleged that "All climate science is a fraud". Roswell, anyone?