Heaven, Hell and High Water

--by Horatio Algeranon

Many sources
Have been proposed
For global warming,
Heaven knows:

Greenhouse gases,
Cosmic rays,
Barbecuing
On summer days.

Sunspots,
Hen's teeth and horses' toes,
Volcanic eruptions
ENSO it goes.

But none of these,
Can really capture,
The total picture,
Like "The Rapture".

The rising seas,
The searing heat,
The work of Satan*,
In the street.

The signs are there,
For you and me,
Someone should inform
The IPCC.


*Some believe that Al Gore is Satan incarnate.

Horatio has discovered the real reason that global temperature has been rising.

It’s not CO2 and other greenhouse gases that are driving global warming (as the vast cabal of left wing, alarmist scientists [forgive the redundancy] would have us believe), or even some of the other more plausible mechanisms proposed by The Cooler Heads (TM): a change in cloud-nucleating cosmic rays, sunspots, flaming barbecues at surface weather stations, bourbon heat islands or ENSO (as measured by Southern Oscillation Index or Multivariate ENSO Index).

Indeed, while global temperature does correlate rather highly with some of these (particularly greenhouse gas increases and the proof of bourbon whiskey), it correlates best with the “Rapture Index”.

Horatio has found that when the Rapture Index (RI) is advanced by 2 months (by which RI "leads") it accounts for fully 84% of the variance in global temperature (over the years for which Horatio could find data on RI). Horatio posits that the ever present climate noise prevents the correlation from being a perfect "1".

Horatio has submitted a paper to E&E ( “Endtimes and Environment”) and eagerly awaits the opportunity to present his findings to the IPCC -- and claim his share of the (first) Noel Prize.

Jabberbloggy

-- Horatio Algeranon's rendition of "Jabberwocky"

( Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking-Glass", 1871)

Illustration by Sir John Tenniel (1820-1914) , with 'improvements' by Horatio!
(Public Domain -- click image for details)

'Twas warming and the melting glaciers
Did calve and crash upon the waves
All flimsy were the ice shelf fissures
And the sea ice misbehaves.

"Beware the Jabberblogger, my son!
The un-sourced claim! The dubious stat!
Beware the JunkScience site, and shun
WattsUpWithThat?!"

He took his scientific method in hand
Long time the denialist foe he sought --
And for the duration, by the Surface Station,
He stood awhile in thought.

And, as in nerdish thought he stood,
The Jabberblogger, with blog of fame,
Came snapping photos as fast as it could
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The Razor of Occam went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And, hast thou slain the Jabberblogger?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas warming and the melting glaciers
Did calve and crash upon the waves
All flimsy were the ice shelf fissures
And the sea ice misbehaves.



Inspired by the post Science Jabberwocky on More Grumbine Science.

Denialism Lags Reality

-by Horatio Algeranon

Denialism lags reality,
By 180 degrees.
There's simply no denying,
The facts of the disease.

In certain populations,
It's more common than the cold,
More virulent by far,
More tenacious than black mold.

It warps the mind,
Consumes the soul,
Exacts from society
A terrible toll.

The only cure,
Is blinding light,
To expel the darkness
And set things right.