-- By Horatio Algeranon
based on "The Walrus and the Carpenter"(Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, 1871)
The BP sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his oily best to make
The billows smooth and bright—
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The Cajun moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the oily deed was done—
“It’s very crude of him,” she said,
“To come and oil the fun!”
The sea was oily as oil could be,
The sands were tarry as tar
You could not see the tide-pool, because
You could not see that far:
No pelicans were soaring overhead—
There were no pelicans to soar.
The CEO and the Admiral
Were walking arm in arm
They hated like anything to see
The folks in such alarm
“If the cameras were only kept away,”
They said, “There'd be no harm!”
“If seven wankers with seven tankers
Pumped for half a year,
Do you suppose,” the CEO said,
“They could get all the oil clear?”
“I doubt it,” said the Admiral,
"Let's go and have a beer."
“O, Oysters, come and walk with us!”
The CEO did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the oily beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.”
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head—
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager to be in tow
Their coats were oiled, their faces gooped,
They reeked of the Deepwater flow
And this was odd, because, you know,
"There is no oil below."
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more-
All hopping through the oily waves,
And scrambling to the tarry shore.
The CEO and the Admiral
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
“The time has come,” the CEO said,
“To put a stop to speeches:
Of slicks —flow rates —and oil plumes—
Of pelicans -- and tarred beaches —
And why the sea is turning black—
And how far oil reaches."
“But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For all of us are feeling ill,
From oil that would kill a rat!”
“No hurry!” said the Admiral
They thanked him much for that.
A loaf of bread,” the CEO said,
“Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed—
Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.”
“But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
“After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!”
“No need to worry” the CEO said.
“Do you admire the view?”
“It was so kind of you to come!
"So I'll give you an answer!”
The Admiral said nothing but
"Corexit causes cancer."
"I wish you were not quite so deaf—
We can not take a chance, Sir!”
“It seems a shame,” the CEO said,
“That they are all so sick,
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And they're good enough to lick!”
The Admiral said nothing but
“The oil's spread too thick!”
“I weep for us,” the CEO said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
“O Oysters,” said the Admiral,
“You had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none—
And this was scarcely odd, because
They’d perished every one.
based on "The Walrus and the Carpenter"(Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking-Glass, 1871)
The BP sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his oily best to make
The billows smooth and bright—
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The Cajun moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the oily deed was done—
“It’s very crude of him,” she said,
“To come and oil the fun!”
The sea was oily as oil could be,
The sands were tarry as tar
You could not see the tide-pool, because
You could not see that far:
No pelicans were soaring overhead—
There were no pelicans to soar.
The CEO and the Admiral
Were walking arm in arm
They hated like anything to see
The folks in such alarm
“If the cameras were only kept away,”
They said, “There'd be no harm!”
“If seven wankers with seven tankers
Pumped for half a year,
Do you suppose,” the CEO said,
“They could get all the oil clear?”
“I doubt it,” said the Admiral,
"Let's go and have a beer."
“O, Oysters, come and walk with us!”
The CEO did beseech.
“A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the oily beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.”
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head—
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager to be in tow
Their coats were oiled, their faces gooped,
They reeked of the Deepwater flow
And this was odd, because, you know,
"There is no oil below."
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more-
All hopping through the oily waves,
And scrambling to the tarry shore.
The CEO and the Admiral
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
“The time has come,” the CEO said,
“To put a stop to speeches:
Of slicks —flow rates —and oil plumes—
Of pelicans -- and tarred beaches —
And why the sea is turning black—
And how far oil reaches."
“But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried,
“Before we have our chat;
For all of us are feeling ill,
From oil that would kill a rat!”
“No hurry!” said the Admiral
They thanked him much for that.
A loaf of bread,” the CEO said,
“Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed—
Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.”
“But not on us!” the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue,
“After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!”
“No need to worry” the CEO said.
“Do you admire the view?”
“It was so kind of you to come!
"So I'll give you an answer!”
The Admiral said nothing but
"Corexit causes cancer."
"I wish you were not quite so deaf—
We can not take a chance, Sir!”
“It seems a shame,” the CEO said,
“That they are all so sick,
After we’ve brought them out so far,
And they're good enough to lick!”
The Admiral said nothing but
“The oil's spread too thick!”
“I weep for us,” the CEO said:
“I deeply sympathize.”
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
“O Oysters,” said the Admiral,
“You had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?”
But answer came there none—
And this was scarcely odd, because
They’d perished every one.
