Denialist Proof

-- by Horatio Algeranon

Denialist Proof

Is like a spoof,
A parody
Of basic truth.

To play the game,

For blogger fame

One simply kNOTs

A noted claim.

In Boolean logic, to "NOT" something is to take the opposite. So, under the NOT operation:

"TRUE" becomes "FALSE" and "FALSE" becomes "TRUE";

"Global temperature is increasing" becomes "Global temperature is not increasing" (ie, it is either decreasing or staying the same);

"Arctic sea ice is decreasing" becomes "Arctic sea ice is not decreasing"  (ie, it is either increasing or staying the same);

The "kNOT" operation (part of "Foolean logic") is "NOT with a twist",  which involves first taking the opposite and then tying it (and oneself) up in knots with cockeyed arguments in order to make the denial more "palinable"*. Under the kNOT operation

"Global temperature is increasing" becomes "Global temperature is not increasing. It only appears that way on account of summer barbecuing at surface weather stations."

"Arctic sea ice is decreasing" becomes "Arctic sea ice is not decreasing. In fact, it has actually recovered since 2007 ...and besides, even if it were decreasing (which it's not), polar bears enjoy swimming long distances in [frigid] open water."

"Mike Mann is a scientist" becomes "Mike Mann is a fraud";

"CO2 is a well-mixed greenhouse gas" becomes "CO2 is heavier than air so it settles in rabbit holes and therefore can not be a greenhouse gas" (ie, it's a rabbithouse gas);

and so on...and on...and on...

*Editor's note: "palinable" is like "palatable", but only to a certain crowd.

For more on "denialist proof", read "de Nier's Last Theorem"

Unreality (2)

-- by Horatio Algeranon

Give facts the axe

They don't mean squat.

 

Bullets don't prove

The war's getting hot.

 

Reality, it's plain to see,

In reality, is not.

The Voyage of the Stupid

-- by Horatio Algeranon

The Stupid sails

Around the world

Before the Science

Has unfurled.

For more on stupid voyages, read Gomer's Pile.

Not Knowing sure beats No-ing

-- by Horatio Algeranon

He doesn' t want to know

'Cuz knowing makes it so

That he must then deny

What he knows he will not buy.

Science isn't settled

--by Horatio Algeranon

Science isn't settled

Buildings do not stand

Bridges fall into the gorge

Collapse like so much sand

Rockets never reach the moon

And atoms are illusion

The human source of CO2

Is simply a delusion

The polar ice ain't melting

And species aren't hurtin'

Uncertainty is certainly

The only thing that's certain.

Gomer's Pile

-- Horatio Algeranon's take on the Gilligan's Island theme song

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

A tale of a "skeptic" trip,

That started from an IP port,

Aboard this Titanic ship.

The Mate was a mighty weather man,

The Auditor brash and sure.

Five passengers set sail that day

For a Surface Station tour. A Surface Station tour.

The icebergs started getting big,

The "skeptics" downed more beer

If not for the hubris of the clueless crew,

The ship would still be here, the ship would still be here

The ship set down on the ocean floor, underwater by a mile

With Anthony,

The Auditor too,

The Lord Viscount and his tripe,

The Cucci man,

A Professor named Murry and,

The rest of Gomer's Pile.

Now this is the tale of iconoclastaways,

They're here for a long, long time,

They'll have to make the best of things,

It's an uphill climb.

The first mate and the Auditor too,

Will do their very best,

To make the others comfortable,

In their final place of rest.

No physics, no stats, no analysis,

Not a single luxury,

The "science" of climate "skeptics"

Is primitive as can be.

So join us here each week my friends,

You're sure to get a smile,

From seven stranded iconoclastaways,

And the rest of Gomer's Pile.

 
The "Skeptic" claims just keep getting "better". When it comes to sheer goofiness, Horatio is left in the dust (and most humbled).

For more on "Skeptic" trips, read The Möbius Trip.

Eethturbation

-- by Horatio Algeranon

Seeing cycles where there are none

Is "eethturbation" when it's done

To note the base of logs repeating

By looking at the digits leading

Up to number ten, an "8".

If we go further, it's too late

'Cuz "e", you see, is nonrepeating,

The apparent "cycle" false and fleeting.

The number "e", base of the natural logarithms, is one of the most important in all of mathematics and science.

The first 50 digits of "e" are "2.71828182845904523536028747135266249775724709369995", but "e" is actually unending and, as far as anyone can tell, non-repeating, though if you look at just the first ten digits --2.718281828 --  it appears as if it does indeed have a "cycle": "1828".

But appearances can be deceiving.

In particular, in math and science, there can appear to be cycles where none actually exist.

Remember this next time someone claims to have discovered a new "cycle" in the global temperature (and has attributed it to some natural phenomenon like PDO). While it is possible that it might actually be real (ie, the result of a natural phenomenon that is actually cyclical), it is far more likely that it is like the apparent cycle "1828" in "e".

Some call reading significance into what are only apparent cycles "numerology", while others refer to it as "mathturbation"  (Horatio has termed it "eethturbation" and those who do it "eethturbunnies"), but whatever you call it, it's basically meaningless.

But it is nonetheless the subject of endless (and quite cyclical) "bloggerchair climatology" on the web.

H/T NASA physicist Ray Ladbury who gives the example with "e" that inspired the above ditty.