Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

-- Horatio Algeranon's reversification of AC/DC

If you got some warming and you want it gone
But you ain't got the stats
It keeps naggin' at you night 'n' day
Enough to drive you bats
Pick out the cherries, in the time-series
To make a flat-line trend
For a fee, I'm happy to be
Your Pseudo-Skeptic man, hey


Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Oily deeds and they're done dirt cheap, yeah
Gassy deeds and they're done dirt cheap
Coaly deeds and they're done dirt cheap
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap
Short term trends
Graphicide
E 'N' E
Done dirt cheap
Ooo, Exxon-ties
Contracts
High Doltage
Done dirt cheap, yeaaah

Dirty deeds, done dirt cheap
Oily deeds, coaly deeds, gassy deeds, done dirt cheap

Heartland Hotel

-- Horatio offers his sincerest apologies to Elvis (wherever he might be) for mangling his classic

Well, since my conscience left me
I found a new place to dwell
Well, it’s down at the end of Baloney Street
At Heartland Hotel

Where I sell ba-loney baby
I sell ba-loney
An’ I’ll sell ba-loney, til I die

Oh, the truth is always clouded
You’ll find a bank of fog
You pseudo-skeptic bloggers
To post up on your blog

So fulla ba-loney baby
Fulla ba-loney
So fulla ba-loney, til you die.

Now, Joe Bast’s tears keep flowin’
And their lawyer’s on attack
Well, they’ve been so long on Baloney Street
They ain’t ever gonna get back

So fulla ba-loney baby
So fulla ba-loney
So fulla ba-loney, they could die

Well, if your charity status leaves you
And you have a sad tale to tell
Well just take a walk down Baloney Street
To Heartland Hotel

So fulla ba-loney baby
So Fulla ba-loney
So fulla ba-loney you could die.

Models

-- by Horatio Algeranon

Models are worthless

As worthless can be --

Especially when based

On the growth of a tree.

Or so believe many pseudo-skeptics of global warming, at any rate.

The Bristlecones are used for dating purposes (though usually not online) and are sometimes (not always) used as "proxys" for ancient temperatures, which is what gets the pseudos into such a tizzy.


And no, the "hockey stick" temperature reconstruction does not simply "go away" if you exclude the Bristlecone (and other) tree rings from the analysis, much to the chagrin of the pseudos.

“Wattspeak”

–by Horatio Algeranon

“Wet is dry

And dry is wet”

(As opposite

As it can get)

“Freeze is melt

And melt is freeze

Watterecovery

If you please”

“Rise is fall

And fall is rise

Can’t you see it

With your eyes?”

“Hot is cold

And cold is hot”

The warming globe

Is simply not”

“Down is up

And up is down”

(In nega Wattspeak

We will drown)

“No Analysis Needed”

--by Horatio Algeranon

There’s no analysis needed

I can see it with my own eyes

Without a doubt

The graph goes down

And so does drought –

I ain’t no clown –

Your stats are only lies.

Inspired by a comment by Dan H. in response to Tamino's post  Wet is Dry and Dry is Wet. 

PS: Though the "No analysis needed" claim by Dan H. was not specifically in reference to the UCAR Palmer Drought Severity Index graph (for which the downward slant actually indicates increased drought) but the  claim pretty much sums up the general attitude of many in the AGW "skeptic" camp: 

"No analysis needed!!" 

Good thing too, because from what Horatio has seen, most of them could not do a proper "analysis" if their life depended on it.

The Model Average

– by Horatio Algeranon

I’m a model average, can’t you see?

A paragon of mediocrity

The Norm of normal distributions

Mean of meaningful resolutions

I don’t stand out, but set the curve

A middling model, you’ll observe.

According to renouned climate statustician William Briggs

“an average is a model”

… but Horatio always thought one had to be above average to be a model. ~@:>

For context, read this